The Life and Times of Jon Graves

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bleeding again

It's been 13 years since I last played a professional baseball game. 13 years. In all of that time, I've swung a bat once more than twice. (Somehow 3 times just didn't fit with "all of that time.")

The day I retired I gave away all of my gear and memorabilia. Spikes from Ken Caminiti. Bats from Tony Gwynn. My favorite gloves from Wilson, who sponsored all of my equipment... I went home with two bats (I still have one of Tony Gwynn's bats) and a big question mark for what the rest of my life would become.

Last night I used one of those bats at the batting cage as I sought some much-needed wisdom from above, and it felt so good to do it again.

It was great to smell the smoke from the bat after tipping a fastball. It was great to get a blister on my hand and bleed again. And it was great to see the ball jump off of the bat as it once did. Unfortunately, I am now down to one bat...I got a bit too aggressive and hit a ball off the end of the bat, which, as you all may know, causes a fairly large splintering effect if you're using wood. Oh well. I still have the bat from Tony.

Why, after 13 years, did I go to the batting cage? I needed some one-on-one time with God. I needed to draw close to him again, and for some reason, he put it on my heart to go back in time and meet him at Boomers. Pounding Plumb's I Can't Do This (by myself) and Cut, and Skillet's Rebirthing into my soul, I swung at 120 straight pitches, pouring every ounce of strength and effort into each swing. And when I was done, I felt different. I felt relieved.

10 minutes later I headed to Sunset Cliffs to continue this escapade with God.

With headphones still on, I walked along the cliffs until I found a spot above the crashing waves to sit and watch the horizon. Although people meandered around me, I found a moment when I was completely alone...a moment when I could just listen, not to the music, but to the voice in my heart. And the tears started to fall.

In his way...the way he always reaches me...God wanted to tell me to put my trust in him again. He loosened me up with 120 swings, taking me back to the days of my dreams. Then, there at the cliffs, as I looked toward the horizon, he tugged on my heart to venture out onto the water once more.

I don't know what the plan is. In fact, I've never been more unsure about my life than now. But somehow a little bit of blood and the power of the ocean revived me, and I feel rejuvenated because I know, at least, that there is a plan.

So even if the pace has slowed of late, I am...

Marching on. JG

Monday, July 28, 2008

Running

I went running a couple of nights ago. I'd been working out for a while and decided to go for the first run in a really long time. So I took the windy road up and around the first few blocks, turned left at the second stop sign, and left again at the next to begin my climb up the hill. It had been uphill from the start, but the next 1/4 mile was a steady incline followed by a steep hill that peaked to overlook all of downtown San Diego. It was a test.

With Krystal Meyers blaring through Everen's iPod, I charged up the hill, ignoring the voice inside that told me to stop. And I prayed. I prayed for guidance. For mercy. For grace. And for the wisdom required to take the next step in this race God has given me to run.

I admit, part of me wants to give up. With "When I finally make it home..." running through my head constantly, I can't help but think about how much easier it will be when I stand before the King and no longer have to keep my feet moving down here. This race......

And then, just as I'm ready to give in to it, a still, small voice inside encourages me to keep going...to ignore the voice begging me to stop...telling me I can't do it...that I can't make it.

Keep running, Jon. Run to me and I will give you rest.

Ah, yes. Now I remember the way.....

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bleeding again

Monday, July 28, 2008

Running

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