We're moved. Praise God for that.
I can't explain how hard and strange it was to clean the house one last time and say goodbye. I spent about 30 minutes sitting against the wall in the living room thinking about the life Jeseca and I lived there over the past three years. Everything happened there.
Everything.
I looked to where the couch used to be and could literally envision Jeseca laughing with the boys; teaching them; reading to them; the time we spent together watching our favorite movies; and of course, the times over the last three months of her life when I would make the couch as her bed each night, rub the swelling out of her feet and legs, put on her ted-hose, pray over her, and kiss her good night.
I looked to the kitchen and saw her cooking dinner for all of us each night despite how she felt. I could see her yearning for my help with dinner while I typed away at the business of the day; all I can do is shake my head at myself for being so clueless. I heard her laughing at the dinner table. I saw her making faces at the boys when I wasn't looking; and then the straight face she made when I looked up. I saw her watering her plants outside in what I called her "habitat." She loved her plants. And she loved her boys. Thankfully I'm a boy.
I know I've said it before here...I've finished transcribing 4 of her 5 journals. I read a bit of the fifth again last night. Jes was never very good at pulling punches; I took a hit last night in the first entry, but regained form in the very next one, and I'm so glad I know how it ends. It will be such a wonderful book when it's complete. I'll be adding a survey shortly to determine how many people would want to read this story.....
I need wisdom and energy so I can accomplish everything and maintain this crazy schedule we have now. The boys are in karate 3 days a week; ARTS twice a week; homework at least 5 days a week; and a dad who wants to keep his sanity via working out or anything else unrelated to boys somewhere between being a tutor, chef, chauffeur, and best friend.
As always, though, God is amazingly good to me. I have my own struggles inside (don't we all?), but He always finds it worth His time to comfort me and help me stand on my own two feet. He's so great. JG
