Finishing
Work has asked more of me; more time. No longer can I simply work the seven straight hours from 7:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. -- apparently it wasn't enough. So on Tuesdays and Thursdays I am required in the office an additional 2-3 hours. Prior to my beginning this new set of hours, however, a colleague of mine introduced me to A Reason To Survive (ARTS). It turns out the founder of the organization lost his mom to cancer in the early '90s, so he started the non-profit to help other children deal with loss through visual and performing arts. Everen and Christian are enrolled on Tuesdays and Thursdays, 3:00 to 5:00 p.m., making masks and learning to beat the drums as loud as they possibly can.......at no charge. Our God is an amazing, loving, gracious God.
I've also finished transcribing Jeseca's fourth journal (just one more to go!!!), and just today finalized the layout and design of her first official book; the book she illustrated for the airport here in San Diego: Bessie Coleman - The Story of an Aviation Pioneer. It's beautiful. (Here's a preview of the book as it will be seen on the airport's website. Up to 30,000 are being printed. I want to thank Aaron Ishaeik for completing one of Jeseca's original illustrations. Well done, Aaron.)I wrote the tribute to her and a dedication to the boys. And as I handed it off to print, it gave me hope that I will be able to finish each of the other projects we started together.
Something else I've found is that I've gone from mourning to contemplation. Somehow, in some way, God has taken away my need to revisit every day we spent together with sorrow. Instead, now I think about the life we led and the paths that joined our hearts as one after nearly 12 years together.
There have been times in the past several months (the sixth month is just a week away) when I would sit here at 2:00 a.m., listening to the music we cherished together; times when I would listen over and over to Michael Buble's Lost; times when I would fall to my knees as my soul cried out in anguish over the separation from the woman I believed would accompany me to the end of my days........ That's gone now. Part of me doesn't know how to feel about it. The other part glorifies God for his unwaivering lenience and gracious love for the sinful heart that continues to beat steadily in my chest.
He is such a loving God, caring more for me than I could ever imagine. He truly gives light to those who sit in darkness. He steadies the feet of the righteous, and picks up those who stumble.
Jeseca lives on in a place I will never begin to comprehend. I'm not there yet. But I owe him my very best until I am. JG
posted by Jon Graves at 8:48 PM
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