The Life and Times of Jon Graves

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

An example of eternal perspective

I've been transcribing Jeseca's journals for the past several months. It sounds simple, but it is an ongoing emotional task putting all of Jeseca's five handwritten journals into one computerized document. Never before have I seen someone's heart so near to God's. So I continue on, for I know that whoever reads the finished piece -- Jeseca's Magnum Opus -- will see an extraordinary example of the relationship we can all have with the God who created the world and universe in which we live.

Tonight's post is merely a cut-and-paste from her masterpiece; her entry dated December 8, 2005:

"It is so glorious to read your word in the morning, Lord; to find hope and truth. Sometimes my mind thinks too much and I start to question if you're real, and then I read your word and it seems like it's alive! It reaches out and grabs hold of my heart, pulling me back to you again. Lately I look at so many things that people are doing; buying and trying to make so much money. It seems so pointless to me if you can't keep it. I feel that time is short and I must do things that will last eternally. This world and what it has to offer is meaningless except for the souls that are crying out to be saved.

"It is Christmas season, Lord; your season. Once again we celebrate your amazing birth and what you came to do for this world. Keep me close to you during this season, Lord. It's easy to get sidetracked by the enemy and go after things that are not important.

"Still I look to you for healing. 'Have mercy on me, Oh God, have mercy on me; for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me. He sends from heaven and saves, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends his love and his faithfulness.' Psalm 57:1-3

"I count on your word, Lord. I count on you fulfilling your purpose through me; that my life would not be pointless; that I will stand before you and hear you say, 'You are a good and obedient servant, Jeseca. I used you to save many souls and touch many lives that even you know nothing about. And as for your children, because you were faithful to teach them my ways and raise them to be warriors for me, they will reap many treasures in heaven and will shine like the sun in my kingdom forever. Well done, my good and faithful servant.'"

Incredible. Lord, may that be what you say when I see your face. JG

Monday, January 21, 2008

Transitioning through

January 21, 1972, will always be a day I remember. I was a little over five months old, and I imagine that day for me was quite different than the previous 150 or so. To borrow from Steven Curtis Chapman, the sun probably shone brighter in the Indiana sky, and I probably smiled bigger than ever before; for that was the day my life changed. It was the day Jeseca was born.

She would be 36 today had God not called her home. But as I've said before, how can I fault him for wanting to be with her? She was magnificent.

Many thoughts have gone through my mind over the past five months as I've tried to gain my bearings in the sea of life ahead of me. Most of them are the realizations that, although I loved her like crazy, I could have loved her more. I could have loved her in the small things of life. I could have read to her more while she lay on the couch with her legs up. I could have helped her more around the house; or at least I could have done it with a better attitude. I could have encouraged her every moment of every day to spend more time on her art than on my meals...... You know, the little things that make life so much richer. I know I got some of them right, but I could have done better.

Today, however, I didn't beat myself up as much. Somewhere along the line...perhaps it was just today...I stopped kicking my heart around and started rejoicing in the knowledge that I was the one she chose to stand by her side in this life and escort her to the gates of heaven. And she made it! She finished her race! (I don't even know where the finish line is.)

Even more remarkable for me is that I'm now sincerely happy for her; for where she is now and with whom. I've come to a transition point from sorrow to joy because of the hope I have in our Lord Jesus, the Resurrection and the Life. He has given me peace. He is so, so good to me. And he is revealing himself more and more to and in the boys.

A couple of days ago, after an hour-long jaunt through Balboa Park, Christian opened up and told me he's sad every day because his mom died. I told him I was, too, and that it's okay to be sad. Then I pointed him to Jesus and told him that God knows we're sad, but that he also wants us to be happy because of his love; that God has a plan for his life that no one can stop. All we have to do is keep following Jesus and the pieces will fall into place. He got it, then asked if we could "go see Mom." We did today, and I got to witness God's true miracle-work in progress as Christian laughed and played around El Camino Memorial Park.

At one point, he stood on the grave site where Jeseca's feet would be if she were just below the surface. I told him it was okay (Everen was telling him to move), to which Christian replied, "I'm not going to hurt her. She's not there; she's in heaven." He really does understand. He reminds me so much of her; laughing, running, playing all the time. God's bringing him back to life, too. It's so great to see. JG

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

An example of eternal perspective

Monday, January 21, 2008

Transitioning through

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