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The Life and Times of Jon Graves
Monday, May 28, 2007
Our high-stakes poker game
Last Thursday I spoke with the oncologist's office to get a better understanding of cachexia and how to deal with it. As I described Jeseca's condition, they confirmed that it was indeed cachexia, and began explaining the different stages and what we should expect next. The outlook is grim. They expect Jes to slip into a coma shortly, and then, when she can no longer eat anything......well, you know. We ordered a supplement that is supposed to lessen the effects of cachexia and are praying it helps (when we finally receive it -- it's been nearly two weeks).
Jeseca is just like me; she wants to know everything the doctors have to say. So we discussed it all Thursday and Friday night, trying to wrap our heads around everything; trying to understand what God is doing, what we have yet to do or plan for, and how we never imagined it would ever get to this point.
But it has. We're staring death in the face right now, and no man-made solution can make a difference. We're too far along in the game at this point. What we need is a "Wooo!" miracle. The stage is certainly set, and I will continue to hold to the hope we have and the promise we believe we have heard until God proves otherwise. And even then, if we have heard wrong, I trust that God will help me remain faithful to Him as I face a life without my very best friend and love, the mother of our two young men, my heart's eternal companion.
But I don't think we've heard wrong.
God is our strength and our shield, our comfort now. And He can do the impossible. The doctors have said that Jeseca will die soon. Those are the cards we hold now. But God is in our corner, and we're all-in. To God be the glory. JG
A few posts ago, I mentioned that I didn't know if Jes will make it to our 11th anniversary. While I plan to speak with our oncologist this week to discuss the latest development, that date is still in question.
Based on everything we see, and all that she is experiencing, she is now in a state of cancer cachexia. If you're interested, here are the details. I've read quite a bit about it at this point; none of it is encouraging. Essentially, her body is wasting away, and I hate it. We're looking for homeopathic solutions to help her maintain any amount of nutrition, but it's such a challenge for her to eat anything of real substance.
Our hope is that she will be able to put some weight back on, but as Jes has asked, will this just delay what God will do? I don't know anymore. When it seems like it can't get any worse, something else pops up to complicate things. I feel as if we're putting scotch tape on a dam that's about to break.
How long can she go on like this? Have we made any mistakes? Was there something we missed? Some other effort we should have made? Those are the questions we're dealing with right now, and honestly, I don't know that we have any good answers. We're just trying to survive, one day at a time.
... ... ... ... (long, long delay)
So here I sit. It's 1:23 a.m. and after all of the thoughts and concerns and questions above, somehow God has brought me back to understanding that He knows how this turns out, and that taking up His "yoke" is a lot easier than shouldering everything on my own. What more can I say?
Now I'm smiling. Amazing.
There it is. We will never give up. And we will never stop hoping and believing that what we see is only a portion, a slice of the reality God has yet to reveal to us. The rest is up to Him. (I bet there are chariots of fire on the mountain right now.) JG
The past week has been remarkable, as thousands of people have watched my plea for prayer. Many people have contacted me with their support and prayers, some have told me about their own experiences, and someone even told me to quit praying and live life out naturally without God, which I see as an opportunity for God to reveal Himself to him. Thanks to all of you who are continually holding us up in prayer. It has helped so much, and God has been faithful to give each of us peace.
Jeseca is still hanging in here. We went for a walk yesterday...one trip around the block was all she could muster, but what counted was that she got out and did it! I'm so proud of her.
I have quite a bit of work to handle these days, with homeschooling duties now turned over to me, work at the airport (which I do at the wee hours of the night/morning), and helping my father out with his business. Phew. Somehow God has enabled all of us to cope with this new style of life. I just hope it doesn't last for very long...I'm not nearly as capable as Jeseca.
And then, of course, there is this climactic prayer event on June 9. Jesus, please give me the words, your words, to pray over her.
I'll be brief tonight. I told someone recently that our story is incomplete; that we are missing the end of the story (what we hope will be a happy ending). We've documented, both in written form and on video, all of the ups and downs in this fight for Jeseca's life. I don't mean this to be melodramatic, but it appears we've reached the climax of the story; the point where you have to ask, "What will God do?" Our hope remains in Him, but He has to act quickly. She may not make it to June 9...
Well, it's about time I put something like this together, given the fact that I am a webmaster and understand the reach of the Internet. With less than a month before our 11th anniversary, I hope this video will reach the far corners of the earth, and that God will inspire thousands of people to join me in prayer for Jeseca's healing. Every significant milestone over the past several years has been marked with this battle against cancer. Why shouldn't it end on our anniversary?
If you read this, would you please "share" this video with your friends and family, your coworkers, pastors, etc.? The more people praying on June 9, the better. And trust me, we're getting down to the wire here, so we could use all the prayer support we can get right now.
There's nothing like the San Diego Zoo. This time was great, it was interesting, and it was a challenge all at the same time. Great because it was the zoo -- we love the zoo. It was interesting, of course, because we got to see some amazing animals. We stood five feet from a peacock -- who either felt threatened or was looking to impress someone -- as it displayed all of its feathers for us. How can anyone see such a display of beauty and believe in anything other than God and His amazing creativity?
I also pushed Jeseca around in a wheelchair for the first time. She doesn't have the energy to walk all over the park anymore, so we rented a "hotrod" at the front desk and wandered about. She actually said it was fun! The challenge? The boys thought it was cool and created a day filled with anguish over who should ride on mom's lap, who should ride when mom wanted to get out, who should push if dad wanted to ride, etc. (Dad didn't ride, just so you know.)
Life is becoming more complicated. And for a time, I am becoming more and more like "Mr. Mom."
