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A day without sleep
What a drag. Here it is 5:10 a.m. and I just got in from finishing up some work at the airport. I have to be back at 8:00 a.m., so what's the point in sleeping. I've been listening to the iPod Jeseca found abandoned in the dirt for the past six hours; amazingly it still works. I downloaded the entire Bible in MP3, then added Switchfoot's Beautiful Letdown, Mercy Me's new one, and Third Day's Wire. The lyrics in Beautiful Letdown are awesome. There's an amazing line in "On Fire"...." I'm standing at the edge of everything I've never been before." Think about that. Just one step away from who Christ wants me to be. I sure wish that were true. JG
Red Hot & Smokin'
 Two nights ago we were invited to a night out with several other couples, a gig called "Red Hot Smokin' Date Night" that my cousin's put on to celebrate the group's marriages. Some of us were marriage mentors from The Rock, others were pastors of other churches, and a couple were either newlyweds or just about to get married. There was dinner, wine/sparkling ciders, dancing, and a message from my aunt and uncle who lead a marriage outreach ministry for couples in crisis. It was a great night together, not just for Jes and me, but for all of the couples.
One of the topics we discussed was the personality test used by Gary Smalley, which is based on the DISC analysis used in corporate America. Again, I turned out to be the dominant type; in this instance I came out to be the Lion -- aggressive, confident, yada yada ya. As my aunt put it, "Lions typically leave a trail of bloody Otters (fun, outgoing, no focus types) and Golden Retrievers (sympathetic, loyal, slow-moving, warm and fuzzy types)." I admit that's true. Thanks to the work God is doing in me, however, I believe I have cut the "trail" down to a handful along the road.
It was so nice to be out with Jeseca in a social situation. She is admittedly self-conscious about her appearance, but I don't care. She could go through the grinder and I would still think she's beautiful. I am empathetic, though, to how she must be feeling. The person she sees in the mirror is not the same person she's been all of her life.
One of the exercises of the night was to list 5 reasons why you fell in love, and 5 reasons you love your spouse now. When we first met, I loved her because she was beautiful, fun, exciting, and she was my best friend. Now, she is the most beautiful woman both inside and out, she is the most amazing woman of God, incredibly courageous, and she is still fun, exciting, and my best friend. God has transformed her into someone I never knew was there 11 years ago, and I am so proud to a be part of her life.
I also found out tonight that in addition to the tumors I already know about, another large growth has formed near what appears to be her right parotid gland (upper jaw near the ear). All I did was shake my head in amazement. The eye, jaw, throat, chest, lung, liver, etc. It's probably elsewhere, and it is a bit scary, but we have so much hope in the Lord.
Not much else to say except that we are beginning another week, and she is still here. God keeps putting distance between us and the night at the emergency room. Praise Him for that! JG Labels: Jeseca's Fight Against Cancer
Living with Wonder Woman
My mom told me today that God's grace is sufficient. I told her that Paul said that (actually, God said it to Paul when he asked to be healed three times), and as soon as the words left my lips I was released from a burden that has been on my shoulders for the past several months...that my prayers are ineffectual because Jeseca is not yet healed. It was such a great moment. And it didn't just make me feel good. It gave me much needed insight into "healing" as we in America have come to know or expect it. There are those who say you have to "claim" healing from God. Others say it is all about how much faith you have; if you don't have enough, you won't get it. Still others say if you just quote scripture over and over again, and demand that the ailment leave your body, it has to obey because the Word of God is all powerful. Simply said, I have been confused and fooled into believing that I just don't do it well enough or right, that my prayers are no good, and that's why Jeseca continues to suffer. Then I thought about it. The apostle Paul, a man who healed many people and had unshakable faith due to his face-to-face encounter with the risen Jesus, did none of these things. He didn't command his "thorn" out of his side. He didn't "claim" his healing. And of all the people alive then, no one knew the scriptures better than he. Yet he had to ask God three times for healing, and the answer was always no, "My grace is sufficient." Don't ask me why, but that gives me such peace. It's not on me. It's all up to God. And you know what? I knew it! Healing is all about God, and it always will be. Which leads me to my next point. Jes and I talked about everything tonight. I hate it that she has to endure all of this. She loves it. (just kidding) But we've come to understand that this is a privilege, not a curse. Did anyone listen to me when I tended bar in Temecula? Nope. When Jes waited tables at a golf course? Nope. Even when I was a professional baseball player? They couldn't have cared less, honestly. (I was a jerk anyway.) But this? This is real and our lives are in the balance. Yeah, people listen. So while we still have the opportunity, we want to reach as many people for Christ as we possibly can. We want to embrace it; not ask for God to take it away.God will heal her when He's ready. Until then, it's all about taking ground from our enemy. No sweat; God is good, and I'm married to Wonder Woman. JG Labels: Jeseca's Fight Against Cancer
Dead touches dead and comes back to life?
What does it mean, that a dead man instantly came back to life when his body touched the bones of Elisha the prophet, who also was dead? Just a question I thought I'd throw out for feedback... All else is as it was yesterday. God is still on the throne; Jeseca is still here with me and the boys; and we still believe that God will do what He said. I know there are people who think we are foolish to believe so, but that's alright. What do they know? I once heard it said, "The devil wants you to focus on you. God wants you to focus on Jesus." As we continue to go through this storm, all I can do is embrace that sentiment and know that as long as we keep our eyes on Jesus, though the storms rage against us, we will withstand the test and finish the race. There are trials that appear to be unbearable. I speak from experience. But you have to trust that God's way is perfect. It is, in the end. And there's nothing that will ever change that. So take heart! God will see you through. JG
Be strong and courageous
Miles talked Sunday about being strong and courageous, as God told Joshua to be. That seems to be the theme of our lives right now. In light of what Jeseca continues to experience, we are still called to believe. God commands us to have a strong faith and courage to face the storm. We're sure trying. But we also realize that it's not by our might or strength, but by God's Spirit that we are able to endure. God, please help Jeseca to endure. Labels: Jeseca's Fight Against Cancer
Bad with the Good - my dissertation
Jes and I recently saw the movie Amazing Grace. What an amazing movie. Compared to those that recently won Academy Awards, Amazing Grace is far better acted, is inspirational, and tells the story of how one man's courage can change a nation. Like Abraham Lincoln, the man portrayed in the movie, William Wilbersworth, stood against slavery and the slave trade in 1800s England. His conviction came from his following Christ. He won after 19 years of fighting in the English commonwealth. If you haven't already seen it, be sure to go before it leaves the theaters. It is well worth the price of admission. We have also had friends speak glowingly of a "new" concept called The Secret. I don't mean to be rude and disrespectful, but I also don't want to beat around the bush... The Secret is garbage. We watched the video, which was produced to mirror, it appears, the Da Vinci Code (I didn't like that one, either). The premise is that we don't get what we want because we aren't positive thinkers and don't ask the "universe" for it. It all has to do with the "law of attraction," which is what gives us our status in life, according to the video. If we're negative, people won't want to be around us. Basic common sense, if you ask me. And if we're positive, then people (and their money, according to the show) will be drawn to us. We just "tell the universe" what we want, and the universe complies. But how does The Secret account for the bad that happens in life? Do we attract bad or good? Is it our fault when we get blind-sided by life? Or are we really at war in the spiritual realm? Read Job again. Study the conversation that Satan had with God about Job. God allowed Job to lose everything; his family, his wealth, his stature. But after losing it all, Job declared that we should accept the bad with the good, for both come from God. And after enduring this massive storm, God blesses Job with twice as much as he had before. So I wonder...what about Jeseca? Does she have cancer because she didn't tell the universe that she wanted to be rich and healthy? And my 2-year-old relative, Austin? Did he get cancer because he didn't tell the universe soon enough that he didn't want it? Obviously not. Which is why I think The Secret should be called The Joke. My two cents, at least. Maybe I should ask the universe to help me with my bad attitude. And now, mixing subjects to the best of my ability, my beautiful wife still smiles. She is so into the Lord that she shines even while she struggles. God gives her the strength, grace and courage to go through each day with a smile on her face. And what drives her great attitude is her complete devotion to raise our boys to become warriors for the Lord. She doesn't think so, but she is the most amazing woman I have ever met. I hope I live up to her expectations as a husband! Yikes. Not much else, I guess, to report. God is still good. Yes, the bad comes with the good, but why? I think it's because we can use the bad experiences to share the goodness of God with others who are going through the same trial. I guess that's why I am still behind a desk instead of tearing up the golf course on the PGA Tour. JG
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© 2006-2008 Jon Graves. All rights reserved. |
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