The Unexpected
We always celebrate Christmas with Jeseca's family on the Saturday before Christmas. I was prepared for it inasmuch as I had done all of the last-minute shopping Friday night. I'd accumulated no more than 18 hours of sleep for the entire week, so when I finally stopped running and began a 9:30 p.m. movie for the boys, it was far too easy for me to pass out on the floor where I fall asleep each night after doing my first few sets of crunches. The last thing I remember is the boys bringing in their own pillows and blankets.
A few hours later I was at Trader Joes picking up an apple pie for dessert, and noticed a bunch of flowers, festive plants and holly. Something tugged at my heart and I decided to buy flowers and holly for Jeseca, and some flowers for her mom.
On our way up to Temecula, I stopped by El Camino Memorial Park to pay our respects to Jes and leave the flowers and holly for her for Christmas. I didn't think much about the impact it would have on the boys; I should have. This simple, unexpected deviation from the plan revealed the pain Christian is still fighting so hard to deal with. After we placed the flowers on her grave, he said he was sad, slumped his shoulders, and with tears starting to well up, headed for the car.
...........
Everen's moment came two days before when we visited the staff at Radiation Oncology and he told the receptionist that the thing he wanted most for Christmas was to see his mom again.
They're hurting. I'm doing my best to point them to Jesus, but I'm also trying not to cheer them up; that would only encourage them to hide from the pain.
After I tucked the boys in bed last night, I sat alone, looking around at the photos I worked so hard to get up on the walls after Jeseca died. There's nothing to mask the pain, and that's okay. Heartache is an interesting thing when you have Jesus. There is the unmistakable sting of loss paired with the hope in a future that only a loving God can provide.
Jeseca was amazing, and I miss her so much. Part of me continues to ask God why he felt it was necessary to take her home so early. The other part knows that he just couldn't stand being apart from her any longer, and that it wasn't early for him at all.
In the end, what I said before I prayed for everyone's dinner last night is 100% true. While this holiday season is so very different for our family, we need to remember the reason we celebrate this wonderful holiday. For without the birth of our Lord and Savior, we would have no hope. No one knew that better than she did.
A few hours later I was at Trader Joes picking up an apple pie for dessert, and noticed a bunch of flowers, festive plants and holly. Something tugged at my heart and I decided to buy flowers and holly for Jeseca, and some flowers for her mom.
On our way up to Temecula, I stopped by El Camino Memorial Park to pay our respects to Jes and leave the flowers and holly for her for Christmas. I didn't think much about the impact it would have on the boys; I should have. This simple, unexpected deviation from the plan revealed the pain Christian is still fighting so hard to deal with. After we placed the flowers on her grave, he said he was sad, slumped his shoulders, and with tears starting to well up, headed for the car.
...........
Everen's moment came two days before when we visited the staff at Radiation Oncology and he told the receptionist that the thing he wanted most for Christmas was to see his mom again.
They're hurting. I'm doing my best to point them to Jesus, but I'm also trying not to cheer them up; that would only encourage them to hide from the pain.
After I tucked the boys in bed last night, I sat alone, looking around at the photos I worked so hard to get up on the walls after Jeseca died. There's nothing to mask the pain, and that's okay. Heartache is an interesting thing when you have Jesus. There is the unmistakable sting of loss paired with the hope in a future that only a loving God can provide.
Jeseca was amazing, and I miss her so much. Part of me continues to ask God why he felt it was necessary to take her home so early. The other part knows that he just couldn't stand being apart from her any longer, and that it wasn't early for him at all.
In the end, what I said before I prayed for everyone's dinner last night is 100% true. While this holiday season is so very different for our family, we need to remember the reason we celebrate this wonderful holiday. For without the birth of our Lord and Savior, we would have no hope. No one knew that better than she did.
posted by Jon Graves at 8:45 AM
1 Comments:
Son,
My heart just breaks for Christian, Everen, and you. Just thinking of your visiting the grave site (which I was just thinking about the other day, coincidently) brought tears to my eyes. I can only imagine how the three of you must be feeling. I love you. Dad
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home