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Thursday, November 30, 2006

Thoughts and knowledge

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. this morning to a sense of overall dread or urgency. It wasn't because of Jeseca or anything ominous related to her fight against cancer. It was more a calling to get up and look for answers. Not being completely coherent, I wandered to the living room and opened my Bible to Job. Great......

I read chapters 8-11. Job is crying out to God for relief, even death, for his suffering is too much to bear any longer. I thought of Jes. Job pleads with God to end it all, declaring his innocence and wondering how all of this ruin could have come to him. His friends tell him it's all his fault; God is just punishing him for his evil deeds. I thought of how Satan continually whispers in my ear that God hasn't healed Jeseca because of me. Job acknowledges that his friends have stated what anyone can understand. Then he makes the point that, even if he were innocent, if God wanted to judge him, he would have no opportunity to object. It is God who makes the rules. I thought about my last entry about not understanding.

Knowing how Job's story ends, I felt better somehow. God restores his health and blesses him with twice as much as he had before. And, Job never lost his wife. She gave him some pretty bad advice once, but that's another story. I guess I can take this morning's urgency as God's wake-up call. I don't have to understand why God does or does not do something. I only need to understand that He is God; that He makes the rules; that He is love; and that He has Jeseca's best interest at heart.

We can look for ways to alleviate Jeseca's symptoms, like Job scraping his sores. Whatever we decide to do, it helps to know and understand that God's plan always wins out. And based on what He has shown us, though times may be tough now, there is a much better life ahead. Thank God for that. JG

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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

81

As a recap of my round at Torrey Pines, I played as poorly as I can play (if only I could putt!) and shot 81 from 7,000+ yards. I wish you could see me shaking my head.......

I played with an older set of Maxfli A-10s, 1" over, bent 2 degrees upright. They were perfect. I need to get my Nike Pro Combos redone with those specs. It helps so much when you actually hit the ball where you want to, but it does no good when you 3-jack four greens! More time on the greens, I think. JG

What to do......

As a firm believer in Christ, I know all of the "correct answers" when it comes to trials, problems, and other issues we face in life. Is life hard? Of course. Jesus said we would face many trials. Paul said we are overcomers, "broken but not crushed." Foxe's Book of Martyrs provides an entirely different perspective on suffering. These are answers, like I said. But when I have to watch my wife endure health issues over which she has absolutely no control, the line between knowledge and understanding gets a bit more fuzzy.

Example: I know God can heal her. I don't understand why He hasn't.

Tumors are presenting in other areas of Jeseca's body...her throat again, on the left side and under her thyroid. She says her life is no longer her own. I understand that to mean that it's the Lord's to do with what He wills. Right now we're at a crossroads. Our three options are:
  1. Head to Santa Monica to meet with an oncologist who works with trial drugs funded by the drug manufacturers. (We've done this before with Erbitux and Alimta; neither worked.)
  2. Go to the Oasis of Hope in Mexico, or
  3. Forego any treatment and wait on the Lord to heal her.

It's hard to know what the next best step to take is. So with that, we're inching along on our knees, praying for guidance. But we continue to believe that God will come through for her. For us. JG

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